For Republicans, anything but guns (part four)

Sunday October 15th, two weeks after the massacre in Las Vegas. That’s more than enough time.

Now we can take a hard look at the problem. Today would be a good day to go directly at it. For loyal Republicans, especially, the difficult work now begins. Who or what was really to blame for all those dead bodies?

“No affiliation. No religion. No politics. He never cared about any of that stuff,” the brother of the Las Vegas shooter said.

It was easy to miss the significance of those words — to see how revealing they are.

Timothy Carney pulls a nihilist out his hat.

…if you really listen to those words, they become a possible clue: “No affiliation. No religion. No politics.”

This rings an eerie bell if you’ve been following the dominant social and political trends in 21st Century America…

This was a man untethered to society. He was unmarried. He was unchurched. He was unrooted. He was adrift.

He was retired. But in right wing world, faced with nothing other than a well kept armory and piles of cadavers, it makes head-nodding sense that a 64 year old millionaire would go Travis Bickle on Las Vegas. A certain Bible-banging sense in particular, casually assuming fifty plus years of godless teenage resentment. Midnight basketball, anyone? [off topic: Not exactly sure The Rheumatoids were much of a punk band, oy.]

Writer Margot Talbot expanded on the publisher’s point: “Many drug addicts, he explained, are ‘trying to escape the reality that this place doesn’t give them anything.'”

There’s no support structure, no sense of purpose. Other people become abstractions, and thus they are at best means to ends.

Other than comping him at one casino after another, putting him up in fine hotels and cashing his poker tickets, what did the town of Las Vegas ever “give” Stephen Paddock? What, if anything, meaningful did he have to do there in his short-long life? You can certainly see why he would want to shoot and kill the “abstractions” all around him. You can also see how the lack of things – or, in this case, the lack of lack of things – predisposes the at-risk elderly to mass murder.

Faced with the pictures of Paddock’s hotel room stacked to the gunwales with bullets, tripods, and firearms, the faithful end up with their eyes crossed. All the wingnuts can see is…NOTHING. Which is really…SOMETHING. To wit:

“Las Vegas casino magnate Steve Wynn said Sunday that his resorts and casinos had an extensive profile on Stephen Paddock…

“‘The most vanilla profile one could possibly imagine,’ Mr. Wynn told ‘Fox News Sunday.’…

“‘He didn’t fit the profile of a problem or a compulsive gambler. … You never, ever would stop a man like this from coming in the building.’

Radio host Chuck Baldwin stares at a blank canvas…

Things just don’t add up!…

At this point, all I can say is that I am personally convinced that there was more than one shooter. It seems virtually impossible to me that an untrained 64-year-old Stephen Paddock could have carried out these shootings by himself…

…and sees a conspiracy. No one can just lay out a few thousand dollars and buy himself a bunch of war weapons. And then point them at people. And then shoot them. (In WINGNUT WORLD.)

I also invite readers to watch this compelling acoustic analysis of the shooting that seems to prove the existence of multiple shooters:

EXCLUSIVE: [crazypants]

If there was more than one shooter, the only thing that makes sense to me is it had to be a professional dark ops government action. “Whose government?” you ask.

Oh please. Don’t keep me waiting.

There are only three governments that have the resources to successfully pull off a shooting of this magnitude and completely escape detection inside the continental United States – only three: America’s CIA, British MI6, and the Israeli Mossad.

Third eye, blind. Baldwin looks right past Paddock, through all the fire and smoke, and whistling lead, and sees dong dugga-dong-dong…James Bond.

Plus, the presence of “spy cameras” in Paddock’s room strongly indicates the presence of spooks. This is almost standard procedure for covert ops and suggests a degree of sophistication in this operation that I cannot imagine Stephen Paddock would have.

How would a mere poker player know to put a room service cart outside his door? And to place a camera on it? This is obviously some Aldrich Ames-level strategery on display. A REAL spree shooter barricaded in a hotel room would only…barricade himself. In his room. How Chuck Baldwin untangled this knotty scheme, ’tis a wonder.

Finally, Chuck: Yes the government planned and carried out this murder of its citizens for no good reason. But don’t you go blame Donald Trump for it, because that would be crazy.

No, this doesn’t mean that your congressman or senators (or mine) or the President of the United States or even the Pentagon knows about it – although any one or several of them MIGHT. But it does mean that there is an illegal nefarious dark side of government that surreptitiously carries out the most evil and unspeakable acts of violence against the most helpless and innocent of people ALL OF THE TIME…

Again: Guns? What – are you nuts? Surely there’s something liberal to blame. The government, of course! The Statist Specters of Sector 51.

When the American people can come to grips with the distinct possibility of what I am saying, then we can have an intelligent conversation about what to do about it…

Wolverines, etc.

For Republicans, anything but guns (part three)

Sunday October 15th, two weeks after the massacre in Las Vegas. That’s more than enough time.

Now we can take a hard look at the problem. Today would be a good day to go directly at it. For loyal Republicans, especially, the difficult work now begins. Who or what was really to blame for all those dead bodies?

You can rely on the pro-life crowd to be most vocal in support of gun rights.

That’s true.

Apparently, a dot of cells has value, but country music fans are on their own. Dead? Well, that’s a small price to pay for freedom. And no one is second to Rick Santorum in this hypocrisy…

Somebody asked Rick about this? O Frabjous Day. We should be knee deep in Deuteronomy shortly. Okay Senator, who or what’s to blame for this latest mass murder?

“Violence in television…”

– wut? –

“Violence in television and the video games — there is a mountain of evidence out there, psychological evidence, about what we’re doing to our young people with these video games, violent video games…”

please

Won’t somebody think of the children?

“…and you never hear the left trying to go after Hollywood or the gaming market,” Santorum exclaimed. “It is never involved in this discussion. Where is the solution? Here we are. Where is the solution?”

I give Rick credit for a performance worthy of being called Smartest Burp Ever. It’s rare to see a glorious pundit offer the panacea to our mass shootings (ban all movies and video games), then turn around and say “And what’s the answer to all this? Who knows?! Not me!”

Rick is something of an antique firearm himself. Spending his time pinging old Fresca bottles he found on Jerry Springer’s back porch.

“Always gun control,” Santorum complained. “It is never about the violence we have in our society, it is never about what Hollywood, you know, contribution to that.”

One gets the sinking feeling that, in Rick’s world, a Gun Totin’ Man is somehow something of a Biblical figure and, therefore, sacred. Whereas any depiction of Him is blasphemy. Not that the likes of Schwarzenegger, or Stallone, are to be trifled with because, you know, Rick’s your classic pussy. But it appears to be a wimp’s prerogative to say “I can’t tell these people what to do! Who the hell do you think you are?

For Republicans, anything but guns (part two)

Sunday October 8th, a week after the massacre in Las Vegas. That’s more than enough time.

Now we can take a hard look at the problem. Today would be a good day to go directly at it. For loyal Republicans, especially, the difficult work now begins. Who or what was really to blame for all those dead bodies?

…VICE News called Don Turner, president of the Nevada Firearms Coalition, the state’s NRA affiliate, to discuss gun laws in the state. Turner was in Phoenix, attending an NRA conference for gun range owners, where he’s scheduled to speak this morning.

Don can tell you a few things about the problem. But he’s not convinced that guns had anything to do with it.

…Turner told VICE News that “when someone has that kind of mentality, it doesn’t matter what kind of laws you have,” and he encouraged a calm public response.

Funny that idea. It inevitably gets tossed around after one of these mass murder shootings – which is to say frequently. Turner being bred in the belly of the beast, you would think his “laws are helpless in the face of evil” mantra would be anathema to his right-wing brethren. Townhall’s resident Philosopher of Man Mike Adams:

If there is one thing that separates the conservative from the liberal it is his view of human nature. The conservative sees man as born in a broken state. This tragic view of human nature sees man as selfish and hedonistic by design. Given his nature, it is no wonder a man chooses crime. It is a wonder he ever chooses conformity…

His solution is to implement a back-up plan. In the context of crime, that back-up plan takes the form of a criminal justice system focused on punishment.

This is the bedrock of hectoring conservatism (i.e. All Conservatism). Man’s boundless evil is the reason they want to legislate – and eventually always do – consensual sexual activity, pleasure-seeking behavior and elementary school education. There is nothing too trivial to present a looming threat that requires legal intervention and incarceration.

“After our success in stopping President Obama’s bathroom rules in court, states are now free to enact legislature of their choosing to protect privacy,” Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton said in a statement. “Texans should feel safe and secure when they enter any intimate facility, so I applaud the work of Lt. Gov. Patrick and state Sen. Kolkhorst for fighting to protect women and children from those who might use access to such facilities for nefarious purposes.”

Even children peeing in bathrooms need to be protected from lurking evil. But you? Caught in another mass shooting? Naaaw. When a sporting enthusiast sprays a few thousand rounds at a music concert, that’s just a sad fact of life…

“This is the price of freedom,” (Bill-O) continued. “Violent nuts are allowed to roam free until they do damage, no matter how threatening they are.”

O’Reilly said his experiences covering gun-related crimes showed him that “government restrictions will not stop psychopaths from harming people” because “they will find a way.”

It’s like hearing rap music in public, or getting caught in long lines at the Cineplex. Sigh what a world, amirite? As mother once told you, there’s little point in complaining about the weather. Especially when it can kill you. Perhaps you’re the type to be surprised to find this out, particularly as gospel coming from the fundamentalists, but hard laws and stiff penalties never solved anything.

…Trump on Thursday saying he is open to considering legislation that would ban bump stocks, which were implicated in the mass shooting that happened in Las Vegas last weekend.

“We don’t believe bans ever worked on anything,” (NRA executive director) Chris Cox told Chris Wallace on “Fox News Sunday” when asked whether the organization would support a ban on the devices.

And besides – can we even do that? Aren’t there other entities involved here? Isn’t it mostly out of our hands? Aren’t these “firearm laws” the prerogative of someone else?

State Sens. Kelvin Atkinson, Yvanna Cancela, Julia Ratti, and Assemblymen Jason Frierson and Chris Brooks issued a joint statement about the need for the (bump stock) bill: “As more details continue to emerge, it is clear that action must be taken to build the safest Nevada possible for our families and communities.”

Assembly Republican Leader Jim Wheeler said through a spokesman that regulation of bump stocks is a federal issue because the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms allows the devices.

I guess some issues are just too big for mere politicians to decide (yeah, no).

Anyway there’s an even bigger issue to address here, long before we try to do something like permanently amend the Constitution. We still don’t know what happened.

…Turner told VICE News that “when someone has that kind of mentality, it doesn’t matter what kind of laws you have,” and he encouraged a calm public response. “In the emotion of the moment, there’s a tendency to push anti-gun agendas. We need to find out what really happened.

There may have been some twenty-odd thousand witnesses – but what the hell just happened? I mean, really? Do we even have any idea? This seems to be the most rational stab at Republican irrationality. There’s been so much confusion and chaos, how could we ever possibly know? I mean beyond the lurid news images of automatic gunfire and people dying. There’s the mass perception, of course, but then there’s the truth. Let’s not forget that. Let’s not only content ourselves with putting a battle dressing on a deep philosophical conundrum. It’s all so forever complicated and unclear, it’s simplicity defined.

Few others might, but Republicans clearly see the problem. Plagued as we are with chaotic reality and flawed epistemology, not to mention the ubiquity of evil and the fundamental meaningless of all laws – as well as there being only a rare few people who have the power to make them – America’s mass shootings are pretty much a hopeless situation. And if that observation doesn’t seem strange to you, there’s this one. He-men would prefer to be seen as strong and capable, but ours are routinely satisfied with their own impotence when confronted with the mass murder of the public.

For Republicans, anything but guns (part one)

Saturday October 7th, it’s been almost six days now. That’s more than enough time. The shooter’s identity has been found out, and it’s been published. His girlfriend’s face has been plastered across the internet. His Facebook and Instagram footprints have been thoroughly scoured (…wuh, nothing?) And, oh yeah, the bodies have been bagged and whisked away.

So now would be a good time to take a hard look at the problem. Today would be a good day to go directly at it. For loyal Republicans the difficult work now begins. Who or what was really to blame for all those dead bodies?

You know – it’s an open society and it’s hard to prevent anything. And when somebody does what he wants to do – it’s going to be hard to prevent anything.

Sen. John Thune of South Dakota: ‘Some folks are always gonna exercise their Constitutional rights and shoot people. We’re a free country – whatcha gonna do?’ I find John’s argument to be a bit strange. When the topic turns to abortion, he never seems to recall that America is “an open society”, or that it’s “what she wants to do”.

Anyway apparently the problem isn’t that bullets are ricocheting all around you, and you feel so helpless, because you are helpless, and you’re pretty sure you’re going to die. The problem is that you have so little Common Sense.

I think people are going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions. To protect themselves. And in situations like that, you know, try to stay safe. As somebody said — ‘get small’.

Must credit! Thune! ‘You’re gonna have to take steps in your own life. You need to take precautions. You really should try and protect yourself…’ What a sensible guy. I think Saddam used people like this as human shields, for his cattle.

Frankly it’s sad that Uncle John even needs to mention this – with some finger-tapping and an exaggerated eye-roll – but: You need to try to stay safe. Jeez, okay? So that when, as sometime happens, a hunting enthusiast with a tripod-mounted machine gun starts mowing down everyone around you, you don’t just stand right up and begin lumbering around like a zombie. C’mon, now, don’t do that. Don’t do what those people at the concert did. Do the right thing. Try to “get small”.

Pretty much speechless

I’m not sure I have anything fitting to say about President Donald Trump’s attempt at ‘leadership’ during the post-hurricane crisis in Puerto Rico. I mean…what would an appropriate comment be? He’s lashing out at both their threadbare political leaders – who are not out playing golf, but spending every ounce of their energy trying to keep people alive – and their citizens. Who, of course only happen to be, well, starving. Or dying. I cannot recall the president of a nation hating on his own unfortunate people this way.

…I’m just. Stunned.

They’ve got no food, no water, no medicine, and no electricity. And now their president just called them loafers. I do not have the words. I wish I could say that he’s finally gone too far, but he’s a Republican. There are guaranteed to be fanbois of such truthtelling.

…*tap* tap* of course…

Appearing on CNN Saturday morning, former South Carolina Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer (R) lectured Puerto Rico hurricane victims on self-sufficiency saying they “need to take care of themselves.”

Asked about San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz requesting help for the American territory after it was devastated by Hurricane Maria, Bauer said “I’m a state’s rights guy.”

There’s always a quasi-intellectual phrase, isn’t there? Right there on the tongue. And where the hell does a strafed island territory fit into your dialectic, DoucheWandius?

“Here the president is doing everything he can, two other major catastrophes. My house was flooded four feet, I helped myself. I realized theirs is much worse than mine, but I think the mentality too often is to turn to Washington every time you turn around, and local leadership needs to take this by the horns.”

Here you go. Here is the divisive Mayor laying about on a banana divan, throwing horns to the floor, and waiting for a central government spoonfeeding.

I think I once said that Trump could go to the Lincoln Memorial and stand on the Rail-Splitter’s head rending helpless puppies limb from limb, and 50 million Americans would cheer him. I may have given him too little credit.


UPDATE:

What he said.

Donald Trump finally gets it right

He’s fat loud and mentally ill. He assaults women and defames immigrants. He threatens TV stars, journalists, politicians, and the director of the FBI. He even threatens to annihilate entire countries, like North Korea and it’s millions of citizens. He appeals to the uneducated, racists and bigots of this screwed up country, and he’s proud of himself.

He is the most loathsome disgusting and divisive man ever to hold the office of U.S. president – and that’s saying something. But just now, this weekend, he managed to get something right. At long last he finally did us some good. Donald Trump somehow figured out a way to unite this angry roiling country, when he decided to personally attack its football players.

“Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘Get that son of a bitch off the field right now … He is fired’,” Trump said on Friday at a rally for Alabama Senate Republican candidate Luther Strange.

Trump said in Twitter messages later on Saturday that, if NFL players wanted “the privilege” of high salaries, they “should stand for the National Anthem. If not, YOU‘RE FIRED. Find something else to do!”

This is a man who was born with “the privilege” of hundreds of millions of dollars in his front pocket, angry at other men – grown men, real men – who play a dangerous game well enough to greatly enrich the bank accounts of his fellow billionaires. He is outraged they would in any way protest the seemingly endless murders of unarmed black civilians. He wants to be taken seriously. This is not much of a man, at all.

And he’s starting his own grass-roots movement. To take down the National Football League. From the hardscrabble environs of the White House.

It won’t work.

Goodell issued a statement later Saturday morning that read: “The NFL and our players are at our best when we help create a sense of unity in our country and our culture. There is no better example than the amazing response from our clubs and players to the terrible natural disasters we’ve experienced over the last month. Divisive comments like these demonstrate an unfortunate lack of respect for the NFL, our great game and all of our players, and a failure to understand the overwhelming force for good our clubs and players represent in our communities.”

President Pops retorted:

Sorry, gramps.

But it’s been a while since football teams were occupied only by “good old boys.” Football teams have now included gay players, immigrants, Muslims and even female coaches. To expect athletes to reinforce the traditional politics of an America that has undergone great changes is a refusal to recognize that the football field, like America as a whole, has become far more ideologically diverse than some longtime fans of the game realized.

This is a rare sighting. You’d have to go back 30 some-odd years, to a time when President Reagan-with-Alzheimers used to say geezer shit like “Trees cause more pollution than cars do”, to come up with anything so askew with reality. Trump has stepped in it this time.

The allelic composition of the POL I gene…

I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun wading through a pile of shit.

Your Refusal To Date Conservatives Is One Reason We Have Donald Trump

Get a load of this Jerrod Laber – if that’s not Bill Pullman doing his best Lonely Undertaker. Who does he think he’s kidding? You’re never going to get a shot at Eva Mendes, pal.

OkCupid will let users indicate their support for abortion. This type of assortive [sic] mating is one factor that allowed for the rise of a candidate like Donald Trump.

Assortative mating? HOLY HELL . Right-wingers trying to use genetics to talk about sex. Get out your full body suit because this will be all sorts of ewww.

The popular dating website OkCupid announced Wednesday that it would make the online dating scene a little easier for progressives who can’t risk interacting with someone with whom they disagree (imagine the horror!).

Again. ———> Not falling for it, tiger.

Anyway, assortative mating is a concept that describes when partners are chosen by phenotypic similarity [dislosure: B.A. Genetics, 1986]. Meaning individuals have the same appearance, size, etc. Human mating is extremely complex and transcends such descriptions. But you could safely say there’s some assortative mating going on. Partners are frequently preferentially chosen by race and height, for example, but it’s certainly not absolute.

It’s even safer to say it’s creepy to apply such a concept to us when it’s more judiciously used for jumping spiders and leaf beetles. But then, this is The Federalist – the ‘Blood And Soil’ blog, as Roy aptly put it. So yuck:

…as social scientist Charles Murray explains in his book “Coming Apart: The State of White America, 1960–2010,” there was a shift to a particular type of mating in the ‘60s which continues through the present day.

As cognitive ability became the most valued aspect of human capital––and the biggest predictive indicator for professional success––people began marrying others with similar intellect. Ivy League graduates marry other Ivy League graduates, and their kids do the same, and so on and so forth, causing severe economic stratification between what Murray calls the “New Upper Class” and “New Lower Class.”

I’d call these huge arguments so casually tossed around “lazy”, but they’re more properly “horseshit”. Murray is only perhaps the most thoroughly disgraced intellectual [cough] in America. The notion that educated people began boinking only educated people starting in the sixties is a howler. That all of these things are reliably genetically based or transmitted is so dumb, it’s shocking. It’s amazing how little genetics the race-obsessed actually know. Obviously, this is a load of bigotry dressed up in a tweed jacket and bowtie.

But where the hell does Trump fit in here?

Assortative mating serves to intensify this polarization. It amplifies an already significant ingroup-outgroup mentality around contentious social issues. Social and cultural issues create severe disagreement because they trigger the emotional part of the brain: the disagreement challenges a core part of group identity. This is exactly the type of schism that an arrogant demagogue like Trump exploits.

So if you’re a pro-life evangelical, you need to start having sex with Bay Area hippies. Otherwise your children will be so anti-abortion, they won’t know not to vote for a bloated pussy-grabber. Bada-boom, bada-bing, Donald Trump is president. I can’t believe anyone is stupid enough to actually type this out, but then again. It’s…The Federalist.

…in a world of ignorant voters and social stratification––in which progressives who live in wealthy ZIP codes and small-town conservatives share a mutual disdain for one another––you get stratification that populist blowhards can exploit…

If a progressive doesn’t want to date a conservative and vice versa, that’s perfectly fine. Everyone has deal-breakers. But as a political protest, this form of virtue-signaling is counterproductive in the long run.

Shorter Jerrod teh Perfesser: Stop virtue-signaling with your boners. Okay, man. Nice talking with you…

She wore an onion on her belt, which was the style….

One gets the feeling that Bloomberg econblogger and legendary math-compoop Megan McArdle has become a tad self-conscious in her creeping dotage. One wonders if she’s not peering down from whatever tower she’s living in and clutching her pearls at the sight of black-clad teenagers mixing it up with those poor unfortunate Sturmabteilung.

We Didn’t Normalize Trump. We Normalized the Left’s Violence.

Once upon a time, conservatives spoke at universities without $600,000 in police protection.

Picture Megan sputtering and raising her eyebrows. I mean like, I know! GAH.

Last week, conservative Ben Shapiro gave a speech. At Berkeley. And all across America, people watched their screens to see what sort of violence would erupt.

Like I said, self-conscious. Outside of McMegan, and some butthurt wingers, virtually no one bothered to watch or care. I suppose this isn’t a surprising obsession for her to have developed, though, considering she’s been tip toeing the business-internet for the better part of twenty years hoping no one notices she’s incapable of addition or subtraction. But I do give her credit for facing her fears.

And so, Shapiro arrived, gave his speech, and departed without the mayhem we’ve become accustomed to seeing at such appearances. And collective relief was sighed.

But how relieved should we be that this is what it takes to maintain order in the face of … a speech?

Oh Grammie Meg. Nothing at all happened, so it’s probably the perfect time for you to start wringing your hands. But talk about some weakass knitting:

I think it’s safe to say that Donald Trump has not been normalized by anyone. The media treats him with deep contempt…But the process of not normalizing Trump has instead normalized a lot of other things, bad ones. Like public disorder. Like persistent, pervasive anxiety that often looks like mass hysteria. Like people on both sides who try to minimize the illiberal tactics of the radicals on their own side by pointing mostly to the offenses of the other…

McArdle is the blogger most capable of stupefying me. That whole paragraph is sheer gibberish. If anyone would care to explain to me how the tricky “Process Of Not Normalization” can backfire, I’ll be in the back alley, by the dumpster. Slamming the lid on my head.

Babbling aside, by the time someone becomes president of the United States his ‘normalization’ is long since over. You don’t appoint some random citizen to be Commander in Chief and then wonder if he can handle it. This is not the Beltway version of Pygmalion – or rather it’s not supposed to be. There’s a little too much on the line, you know? “What’s that? Donald Trump what? A nuclear bomb, you say? How…gauche…”

And thanks for the even-handedness, really. The ‘illiberal radicals’ on one side happen to be Nazis waving torches and chanting about the Jews. The other side’s ‘radicals’ happen to be people who oppose Nazis marching into town waving torches and chanting about the Jews. Which, sorry Meg, is a perfectly good and proper thing for one side to do…but not the other. And once again I can’t believe how stone fucking stupid Megan McArdle is.

And don’t bother trying to muddy the water with the ole’ “Buh buh but, Ben Shapiro!” Milo Yiannopoulos is a close cousin of his who got the same treatment, and he deserved it. Milo thought molestation was a perfectly good training tool for teenage right-wingers, until his book deal got the kaibosh.

The truth about these Berkeley buskers from Regnery, Breitbart, Taki Mag et. al. is that it’s an obsession of theirs, and a badge of honor, to show up and get the left-wing equivalent of the Bronx cheer. So don’t tell me that these people are all good and normal and civilized. Because they’re obviously not.

And while we’re at it, Meg, you can stop telling the liberals that there’s entirely too much politics in their politics. That’s your real message here, not that we’re surprised. It’s pretty much what we’d expect from an old lady drawing a pension from the status quo.

Brooke Baldwin’s boob

Given the trivial incident today, on CNN, I can’t believe I’ve been thinking about it for so long (a whole hour). But here we are.

It was Friday afternoon, and I was on live TV, in the second hour of my show on CNN. I had just introduced two guests, former ESPN Senior Editor Keith Reed and Fox Sports Radio’s Clay Travis, who had agreed to come on to discuss the White House call for ESPN to dismiss anchor Jemele Hill after she called the President a “white supremacist” on Twitter.

This is CNN host Brooke Baldwin’s account. Travis was invited on because he’s preternaturally obsessed with Hill. He’s a third rate Fox Sports radio personality afforded the wee hours on my local radio station, and he loves to bash Hillary Clinton before eventually giving short shrift to people playing games and throwing balls, etc.

I was ready for them to present their opinions and maybe even argue. I wasn’t prepared for what came next from Clay Travis — a guest we should never have booked in the first place.

“I believe in the First Amendment and boobs…”

Apparently, my producers behind the scenes were all scrambling, trying to figure out the same thing. “What did he just say?”

I just couldn’t let this go. So I jumped back in and spelled it out like a fourth-grade boy: “b-double-o-b-s?!” Yes. “Boobs.” He eventually confirmed: “boobs.” Almost proud, smirking…

Surely smirking. I’ve only heard him a few times, but he’s got a surefire Fox schtick. He’s built his media personality on these pillars:

1.) I’m an alpha male.
2.) I’m a lawyer.
3.) Hillary Clinton is retarded.
4.) Football.

I’m not quite sure how many hours he’s on the radio each night, but I caught a few minutes of him most of this week. About half the time he was slamming ESPN for embracing Hill and throwing aside sports for politics (Et tu…?). He’s been particularly enraged at her for being so WRONG about Trump […quick impression: What about all the minorities in his cabinet? Ben Carson, huh? They’re all in the KKK? Look, statistics showed Hillary only lost because millions of voters switched to Donald Trump from Barack Obama – a black guy!].

Anyway Travis got his 15 minutes, and Brooke cut his mic. His ploy to make the bigs paid off, just not the way he planned.

This is where I come in, I suppose, after Buttkick Attorney Esq. took to his blog and lectured us all about the First Amendment:

On the First Amendment, ESPN, & Modern Media

I don’t believe Jemele Hill should be fired for Tweeting Donald Trump was a white supremacist and for recently saying police officers are modern day slave catchers…

I could’ve sworn he said the opposite all week; it was preposterous that Hill still had her job. This was the reason he kept banging away at the topic every day. But fine okay I’ll take him at his word. He was only angry that other people had been punished for their First Amendment stands…

…I also don’t believe Curt Schilling should have been fired for what he said about the North Carolina transgender bathroom law or any of the other conservative political positions he’s adopted over the years. That’s because I’m a first amendment absolutist.

This is what makes me nuts: People who think ‘Free Speech!’ is the bedrock of American Society or something. You want absolutism, pal? Here’s the actual First Amendment, read it and weep: “Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech…” If ever there were an amendment limited in scope, there it is. 1A circumscribes the Founding Father’s intents to pertain strictly to the individual…and Congress. And THAT’S IT.

And why doesn’t anyone seem to remember this? The individual’s right to free speech is almost entirely UNprotected – except for, wup wup wup, hold on there: When Congress gets involved. And that’s it! So says our Constitution.

Yeah, YEESSS, okay, it’s true, the Supreme Court expanded it to prevent virtually all governmental institutions from such ‘abridgements’. So now not only is Congress barred from censorship, but so is the presidency, and the Department of Justice. So is the state of Missouri, and the county of Lubbock, Texas, and the city of Hot Springs, Arkansas. As far as free speech infringements are concerned, governments are the entities enjoined by the First Amendment.

But ESPN sure as hell isn’t. Nor is Firefox, or Google, or Stormfront.org. Nor are Sarah Palin’s critics at HuffPost, or Ann Coulter’s antifas at Berkeley. What conservatives swear is the basis for the entirety of the U.S. of A., courtesy of Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton – that everybody must reverentially listen to them argue Obamacare is slavery – is sheer farce. Ninety-nine percent of this world does not, legally or morally, have to tolerate such bullshit.

This means that if, on Monday, somebody ‘likes’ you on Facebook, you can still call them a Fascist on Tuesday and that’s not An American Problem. When your newfound pal suddenly un-likes you, that’s not a Constitutional issue. That’s a butthurt issue, which is something different.

Which brings us back to Travis:

So ESPN had an opportunity to establish an important precedent with Curt Schilling, they could have simply said this to the online social media mob: “…in their private lives, they may advocate for whichever causes and opinions they deem just. What they believe in their private lives is not our business so long as they do good jobs at work. We’re in the business of sports, not politics.”

Boom.

RIGHT. Just like when Monday Night Football decides to put Rush Limbaugh in the broadcast booth. When he says Donovan McNabb is overrated because of the reverse racism of the liberal media, he uhh…oops. Bad example. The bullshit Limbaugh believed in private he aired on ABC’s TV show, shoot. The network was going to take a serious ratings and profits hit, so they did the only thing they could do: they canned him.

Okay, but. Certainly Curt Schilling’s an exception. His serial internet rants about the murderous Muslims of this world should be entirely acceptable. Because the internet is about as private as one’s inner thoughts, right? Unless of course ESPN happens to own the worldwide web – then they’d have a pretty solid argument for firing him, I suppose.

Not that ABC in any way owns the band frequencies or literal air-ways that they broadcast their football games on. And I have to say now that this is getting confusing. But the point here is (I think) that though the internet is somehow private, it’s capable of reaching far more people than any football broadcast can. Therefore Schilling should be re-hired with a sizable promotion – after all the protestors are dispersed and the Molotov cocktails extinguished. Ah yes now, it all makes perfect sense. Like taking the one exception to the world’s un-free-speech and making it your universal crusade.

Incidentally, what does any of this have to do with Travis? Why in the world is this idiot lecturing us on a First Amendment that neither applies nor makes sense to him?

Because Monday through Friday Alpha Dog takes to Fox Sports around 4 a.m. and speaks definitively about a range of issues [Hitlery, with some free-market Patriots thrown in]. His listeners, the insomniacs and tipsy swing shifters who can’t get anything else on their dial, are encouraged to call in and agree with him OR they can get cut off, lectured and punked in free-form Travis time. He’s a know-it-all and that’s entertainment, folks.

Which is why CNN came calling. But mere seconds after Clay-bro finally got on the air, he got in over his head. He panicked, got off a ‘boobs’ blast, and what happened next? He got the Fox Sports treatment. He got thrown off the show – like one of his Beta lackeys! Which is why it’s such a good idea to take advice from a “First Amendment absolutist”. He’s got insights on something you couldn’t possibly understand: free speech.

‘Scuse me while I miss the sky

If Rush Limbaugh can tell himself and his credulous millions that Hurricane Irma is a Potemkin storm because, while conservatives are busy wrangling buffalo and wrestling mountains, the weather mandarins are wanking “the system” (…what’s that, Chairman? A cloud you say (tee hee)? Evacuate Florida…), why then wouldn’t his listeners simply get out their handy aught-sixes and blast the phony bastard as it flew by?

Florida Police Warn People Not to Shoot Their Guns at Hurricane Irma

Florida authorities are advising people against firing weapons at Hurricane Irma following a Facebook event titled “Shoot At Hurricane Irma” that garnered interest from over 45,000 accounts.

“To clarify, DO NOT shoot weapons at Irma,” the Twitter account of the Pasco County Sheriff’s office tweeted on Saturday night, just hours before the eye of the storm passed over the Florida Keys. “You won’t make it turn around & it will have very dangerous side effects…”

Now that the local authorities (and Time and Newsweek) have become concerned about this Facebook thing, boy are all you people stupid. See the guy shooting at the sky? That’s what we call ‘silly’. Florida Man has a sublime sense of humor.

Yeh, stupid gits.