Panic in Iowa: The Donald II

Getting with the Jesus.

On Sunday, the businessman and his wife attended church services at the nondenominational First Christian Church, in Council Bluffs, Iowa.

But when the Communion plates were passed, Trump mistook the silver plates for the offertory, digging out several bills from his pocket, according to the Associated Press.

You can’t make this stuff up.

He, his wife and two staffers took Communion, the AP reports…

“When I drink my little wine — which is about the only wine I drink — and have my little cracker, I guess that is a form of asking for forgiveness, and I do that as often as possible because I feel cleansed,” he said, according to CNN. “I think in terms of ‘Let’s go on and let’s make it right.’”

That Mother Mary is hot. A yuge rack.

On Saturday, Trump released a new video showing off the Trump family Bible, saying it is “very special to me.”

He held up his mother’s Bible to the camera, pointing to one of the early pages. “In fact, it’s her writing, right here. She wrote the name and the address, and it’s just very special to me,” he said.

I kept it above my bed in the Sigma Nu house. Where I stashed my condoms.

Panic in Iowa: The Donald

Why we bother with an Iowa caucus I don’t know. But there it is on Monday. And there the Republican candidates are flipping out and ingratiating their greasy selves and generally acting a fool.

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump said Sunday that, if he becomes president, he would “strongly consider” appointing Supreme Court judges who would overturn the court’s decision to legalize same-sex marriage…

“If I’m elected I would be very strong in putting certain judges on the bench that maybe could change things.”

This aggression will not stand, man. Tear it down! Unless it happens to be Bloomberg asking Donald about it then…

“I’ve gone to gay weddings,” he continued. “I’ve been at gay weddings”…

…Trump has said he opposed gay marriage because he “just don’t feel good about it,” but recently he declared the issue officially “dead.”

…really what does it matter? C’mon bruh. Move on everybody, nothing to see here. But as of today, hours perhaps before The Caucus In Which Weirdo Ted Cruz Whips His Ass:

When asked by host Chris Wallace whether that meant trying to appoint justices to overturn the ruling, Trump said he would “strongly consider that, yes.”

“I wish it was done by the state,” he said. “I disagree with the Supreme Court … it should be a states’ rights issue.”

Gay marriage is far from “dead”. It’s a living breathing thing, and veerrry serious. Everybody knows.