The Donald was born, ye shall slurp.

Merry Christmas! Reince Priebus’ Republican national committee has a Merry Fuckin’ Christmas tiding of courtly cheer. Now that your once-sensible world has been made anew let this be a given: On your knees, peasant.

WASHINGTON – Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Reince Priebus and Co-Chair Sharon Day released the following statement celebrating Christmas:

Keep a righteous song in your heart! Hold forth a scrimptless tithing, and a generous spirit. Let not your dogged sorrows slip whilst wagging your puny tail and pissing your paws before Him, the new sovereign.

“Over two millennia ago, a new hope was born into the world, a Savior who would offer the promise of salvation to all mankind. Just as the three wise men did on that night, this Christmas heralds a time to celebrate the good news of a new King.”

Messiah, sex criminal. Lamb of God! Grabbeth He the pussy, Prince of Piece. Don’t know about you. But if there’s a glint of something hopeful in Christmas, it’s the virgin Mary’s pooping of Donny Trump.

Chock full of bugs and sticks, hallelujah!

For a glorious Trump Christmas this year, you get a cinnamon-crusted wingnut post. You get a screed that somehow mistakes God Snapping His Fingers for billions of years of back-breaking bacterial work and hard labor. Because if I know anything at all about the Bible, it’s that God so loved the world He something something sulfide management spheroid habitable. Donald Trump notwithstanding.

“Our planet has soil like no other planet,” astronomer Hugh Ross, president and founder of Reasons to Believe, told PJ Media. He argued that the soil developed over 3 billion years, and conditions were just perfect to produce the dirt needed for advanced plants to flourish and for those plants to sustain billions of human beings. These developments point to the providence of an intelligent designer.

The Designer was apparently too obtuse to fashion a decent planet from the jump. Instead the Holy Donk brought forth a sizzling sulphurous lump that no sane organism could be fond of. After a billion years of seeing his real estate values in the tank, he finally did something about it. He unloosed a plague of Staphylococcus belchii. Then Earth got marginally more interesting, 3 billion years later when we sapiens came mewling out of the swamps. We have richly rewarded his extraordinary beneficence with baroque classical music, digital weasel porn and rubber bands. No problem, man.

“There are 22 elements in the periodic table that are vital poisons,” Ross explained. “If you’ve got too much Chromium in your diet, it will kill you. But if you don’t have enough Chromium in your diet, that will kill you, too. It’s this sulfate-reducing bacteria that brings the poisons to the just-right levels.”

It’s as if the Scythe Swinger were a passive sort. Entirely unsure about what the hell he was doing. Creating an entire cosmos then shrugging his shoulders and sitting back, chewing his fingernails. “Oh dear, what did I do? What now?” We skinbags are only living on one of his planets among billions, why would he even bother? Why would any god? Pfft.

Anyway this chucklehead argument amounts to “He finished our world with a dose of brappococcus. It’s just so Zeus, right? I mean, that’s totally him.”

Have yourself a hairy little Christmas

The ‘news’ as propaganda is not a new thing. Its been around for centuries.

Its ability to sway mainstream politics however is back in vogue, or in the bloodstream, unfortunately. Made to look legitimate by the internet, and by the spineless cretinism of Fox broadcasting, fake news is peaking now. Or so I hope. I’d hate to see what happens if it gets any more powerful, or widespread.

The [Pakistan] defense minister, Khawaja Muhammad Asif, wrote a saber-rattling Twitter post directed at Israel on Friday after a false report — which the minister apparently believed — that Israel had threatened Pakistan with nuclear weapons. Both countries have nuclear arsenals.

…you say yikes? Or holy shit?

Mr. Asif appeared to be reacting to a fake news article published on awdnews.com.

That story, with the typo-laden headline “Israeli Defense Minister: If Pakistan send ground troops to Syria on any pretext, we will destroy this country with a nuclear attack,” appeared on the website on Dec. 20, alongside articles with headlines like “Clinton is staging a military coup against Trump.”

The fake story about Israel even misidentified the country’s defense minister, attributing quotations to a former minister, Moshe Yaalon. Israel’s current minister of defense is Avigdor Lieberman.

The Israeli Defense Ministry responded on Twitter to say the report was fictitious.

The Ministry of Defense has a Twitter account. Of course.

Every day this world looks more and more to me like a video game [Grand Theft Auto-da-fe?]. Then you throw in – sure why not? – the Elect’s early contribution to world peace…

…on Friday, Trump himself weighed in again, saying in a statement to “Morning Joe” host Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC: “Let it be an arms race. We will outmatch them at every pass and outlast them all.”

…and you’ve got yourself a hairy weekend. Cheers, libtards.

[ed. note: he’s not even sworn in yet.]

His New Clothes

Hat tip must credit arooga woo-woo Hans Christian Anderson.

Once upon a time there lived a vain Emperor whose only worry in life was to dress in elegant clothes. He changed clothes almost every hour and loved to show them off to his people…

“We are two very good tailors and after many years of research we have invented an extraordinary method to weave a cloth so light and fine that it looks invisible. As a matter of fact it is invisible to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its quality.”

In my years, and I haven’t spent many of them interested in politics, though I retained in parallel somewhat a working memory, we’ve seen George H.W. Bush befuddled at the supermarket checkout line. We’ve seen Michael Dukakis wish he knew better what a modern tank was like. And we’ve seen George W. insinuate his familiarity with ‘The Google.’

We have seen over and over again the many crotchety patricians pretend as if they weren’t just old white guys. We have cringed at the attempts of the political magnates, the cloistered and silver-spooned, to pretend as if they knew at all what the hell an ATM was. Or a wireless phone, or a self-serve checkout, or the worldwide web.

But Twitter? With Donald Trump? This is different.

trump-unpresidented-tweet

It’s academic. Or, perhaps, disgusting.

We’re through the looking glass here people

Vladimir Putin’s Russia, in conjunction with the saucer people, under the supervision of the reverse vampires, is hacking our election in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner.

Pfft, c’mon.

Momentum to hold investigations into alleged Russian hacking during the U.S. presidential election picked up steam on Monday, with the Senate’s top Republican joining Democrats, the White House and other GOP leaders in calls for a probe…

As the furor mounted on Monday, Mr. Trump was left nearly alone among political leaders in questioning the conclusion that Russia stole emails from the Democratic National Committee and Hillary Clinton’s campaign, and leaked them in an effort to interfere with the election.

Oh please, those people are all bonkers. Why would our friends of both long-standing and sterling reputation, the Russians, want to do something like that? It’s not as if Donald Trump were a mentally ill sex criminal with an unimpeachable record of destroying everything he’s ever taken charge of. It’s not like he needed help to beat e-mail voodoo priestess Hillary Clinton…by the many negative millions of votes.

Right. You take away the votes that Donald figures are illegal, the ones for Hillary Clinton, and sure enough Hillary Clinton gets fewer votes. Do that enough and at some point Donald wins in a landslide – it’s not brain surgery, people. You can pretty much forget about the cyber espionage thing everyone is bleating about now because nyah nyah pbbbt meh-tweet.

Until the Internet Sheriff actually catches Boris E-Jack with a hatchet in his glowing hands, how could anybody ever possibly know? Simple logic!

And why has this ‘issue’ cough-cough suddenly fallen right out of the clear blue sky, seven weeks ago? At the presidential debate?

WALLACE: And I would like to ask you this direct question. The top national security officials of this country do believe that Russia has been behind these hacks. Even if you don’t know for sure whether they are, do you condemn any interference by Russia in the American election?

TRUMP: By Russia or anybody else.

WALLACE: You condemn their interference?

TRUMP: Of course I condemn. Of course I — I don’t know Putin. I have no idea.

Anyway, you get the idea. President-elect Donald Trump is taking this very serious matter very as if so you say WHATEVER circles-at-head double wankhands.

Host George Stephanopoulos noted that Trump has said he does not believe U.S. officials’ conclusions that Russia was behind hacks into Democratic groups, noting that the Department of Homeland Security and Office of the Director of National Intelligence issued a joint statement in October stating that Russia was behind the leaks.

Conway said that Trump takes issue with the “specific conclusion that what Russia did led to his victory and Hillary Clinton’s defeat.”

“That’s where our beef is. He respects the intelligence community,” she said.

Oh he does. He suuure does:

“These are the same people that said Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction,” said a statement from his transition team.

I wonder how long it will take before your jumped up junkie-voter realizes Donald Trump is a verbal morphine drip. They don’t care what sort of bullshit he says so long as it gives them a buzz. Keep giving ’em the good stuff, Donald.

Today in Trump’s America

Democracy!

D.C. Police on Sunday detained a man armed with an assault rifle outside of a popular pizza restaurant that became the focus of internet conspiracy theories during the election…

There were no reports of injuries, but police said the man fired one shot into the ground, according to Washingtonian.

Why is a Trumper blasting holes in the dirt outside a pizzeria? You are entitled to ask.

Widely spread and uncorroborated fake news stories published during the presidential campaign claimed that Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton’s campaign chief was running a child-sex ring from the restaurant’s back rooms.

Because fucktard Zuckerberg can’t be bothered.

Trouble in Trumpville

Look at this.

Plenty of angst already bubbling up in the fever bogs of the true believers. Donald hasn’t yet whipped ISIS’ ass, put Mexico in a headlock or thrown Hillary over the barbwire. The deplorables are beginning to, well. Do whatever it is they do.

trump-please-stop

Aside from midnight tweeting the president-elect has gotten some other things done, like having a mega-nosh with fellow jillionaire Mitt Romney (…nooo!). But the fine-dining flunkee bears little resemblance to The Leader. That, friends, was a man. The SOB they hosanna’d on the campaign trail was someone who despised politeness and politicians. He hated the hollow people. He loathed the losers who played both sides, hemmed and hawed, or split any hairs. Dominatin’ Donald had all the answers, and he was gonna cram them right down America’s throat. The Leader was a man of action. But this person? Right now? Yaaawn.

In the weeks since the election, Trump has gone back on his promise to repeal Obamacare, reneged on his promise to jail Hillary Clinton and the 30-foot high border wall that was the center point of his campaign is looking more like a fence.

Trump also promised to drain the swamp in Washington D.C. but his appointments are composed of bankers, lobbyists and political goons from failed administrations past. Not to mention the fact that the toddler man can’t seem to stay off of Twitter for more than 45 minutes.

The over-promised and highly energized are seeing their hopes flag. The anti-Messicans are beginning to practice throwing their hands up.

trumgrets-wall

The sad fact we haven’t seen Bluster Brownrape personally breaking ground for the thousand mile anti-Palestinian edifice is almost enough to make them…give up on…whatever it is they do.

Winger media have surely noticed. I’m betting Rep. McCaul was asked to pitch in and pen this No, really! rouser for Fox News:

A lot of people doubted him. And why not? Politicians have been promising to do this for years, and they have let Americans down every single time.

That’s all about to change. Starting next month, the people are going to get what they asked for.

We are going to build the wall…

Just you wait! Starting next month a bunch of the usual politicians could (maybe) put pen to paper and begin writing the legislation necessary to create a multi-billion dollar boondoggle. Then sometime after that – again, maybe – if they can scrounge the money, and get every one of the thousands of private landowners to agree, or sell what they own (…why? I don’t know…) they’ll begin to debate the wisdom of a massive border wall. They’ll finally have an adult conversation about a thirty-foot cash drain that won’t really keep anybody out. But just you wait, it’ll all begin maybe for sure late maybe sometime…in 2017? 2018?

…Period. In the process, I pledge to stand side-by-side with the Trump administration to throw out Obama’s reckless immigration policies and start enforcing our nation’s laws.

Sounds good, pal. Keep saying that and I’m sure the Trumpers will all calm the fuck down. Because whatever it is they do, that’s the one thing they do best.

Donald Trump, violence and viral narcissism

These are all probably connected.

In the 10 days after Donald Trump’s victory in the U.S. presidential election, the country experienced a surge in hate crime, according to a study by the Southern Poverty Law Center. The prominent U.S. civil rights group released a report Tuesday identifying 867 incidents of harassment and intimidation between November 9 and November 18.

This phenomenon already has a name: The Trump Effect.

Many of those incidents involved harassers invoking Trump’s name, making it clear that the outbreak of hate was primarily due to his success in the election. The highest number of hate incidents occurred on November 9, the day after the election, with 202 recorded.

Unfortunately we’re seeing the Trump Effect all around us. But I don’t think it’s because, or only because, Donald ran a racist campaign. I think there’s more to it than that. It’s likely also because of what Donald Trump is – a reality show star.

Researchers are starting to suspect that the much-lamented rise in narcissism over recent generations can be traced, in part, to the influence of reality television. A study we reported on in March found a substantial link between higher narcissism levels and regular viewing of such programs…

The researchers found that participants who watched more narcissistic shows received higher narcissism scores — but only those who (a) watched the programs frequently, and (b) identified strongly with the characters.

A study showed people were more narcissistic if they watched reality TV and identified with its awful stars. A second study…:

…featured 165 college students, who were randomly assigned to watch either a reality show filled with narcissistic characters (Jersey Shore or The Real World), or a scripted comedy (The Office or Friends). Before the screening, half read a fake news article stating that “people experience more enjoyment when they strongly identify with characters in the shows they watch.” The other half read a different bogus article, which stated that “distancing themselves from characters” produced more enjoyment…

The key result: “Among participants who saw a narcissistic reality show, narcissism scores were significantly higher for participants who read the bogus article stating that experience-taking enhances enjoyment,” the researchers report.

When participants were encouraged to “identify” with characters in the TV shows, the ones who’d watched reality TV exhibited a measurable increase in narcissism.

This suggests that, among certain people, watching reality TV directly leads to increased narcissism.

Donald Trump ran a reality show candidacy – how could he not? He’s the most famous reality TV star in the world (he may be the most famous narcissist as well). It’s probable the horrible folks out there punching and kicking innocent people in the streets are only doing what they think Donald would do. They’re like Little Trumps. The fact that so many of them were doing it only hours after the election is damning, I think.

AROOGA ALARUMS A NEW HAT

President Shitgibbon is wearing a new hat. This is bigly news and to be taken very seriously by serious people like you. Feast your eyes upon Sex Criminal Crapmonkey and his new Dadhat because it surely cost him $19.99 to have an actual ’45’ emblazoned or laser-cut or acid-etched from the haunches of Dune unicorns on its side, or whatever it is that the red state Dadhatters do now to turn a buck in Donald’s America.

Donald Tramp swapped his “Make America Great Again” hat on Sunday for some new presidential headgear — proudly sporting another red lid, this time with the number 45 stitched into the side in a not-so-subtle swipe at ongoing recount efforts.

leopard-skin-presidents-lid

At some point our Shitgibbon will totter off and squeeze himself a yuuge turd, and the New York Post will be all over that too.


Golly. Look at the wingnuts go.

· Trump Starts Wearing a New Presidential Hat

· Trump debuts presidential new hat at Mar-a-Largo this weekend – and people are digging one detail!

· Reporters Shocked to See What Was on Donald Trump’s Hat This Morning

· USA! Trump debuts new ‘red hat,’ and (for the most part) people are loving it [photo]

America is insane.