Spazzing out

These people simply do not know how to have a scandal.

A black eye is not a “mere allegation.” Nor is it something that can easily be “falsely accused.” It’s really black, and it’s an eye. “Due Process” is not a function of the White House – it’s a function of our courts of law. And it’s not anything Rob Porter’s former wives and/or punching bags can offer him, nor should they.

And why is it that the President can say whatever nasty crap he wants about anyone, but some random guy’s wife should watch her mouth because LOOKOUT BAD THINGS COULD HAPPEN. Yes, it’s those solitary citizens talking about their own lives who are turning Trump’s politics into an unlikely controversy.

My point is, when you’ve got a scandal on your hands you’re not supposed to draw attention to it. You’re not supposed to make it worse. You’re not supposed to re-affirm the reasons why everybody hates your guts. When you’ve got yourself a fire, don’t make a point of parading around banging empty gas cans.

Porter told senior staffers his first ex-wife, Colbie Holderness, received a black eye and facial bruises during an argument as the two struggled over Venetian glass in their hotel room while on vacation in Venice in the early 2000s after they were married.

He said that ā€œ[Holderness] was ready to throw glass onto the floor to smash and they both lunged for the glass and there was a struggle,ā€ according to two people with knowledge of the account.

Apparently no one told Cold-Cock Porter to avoid saying ‘She walked into a door.’ The only thing missing from that quote is the sound of grinding teeth while he mashes his fist into his palm. And maybe doing the two finger eye-to-eye thing. Everybody connected to this thing is dumb as hell.

50 seconds in: “We learned of…the extent of the situation involving Rob Porter last Tuesday evening…” Umm no, you didn’t. You’re lying. You knew last year, which is why all these reporters are peppering you with questions. ‘Due process! Duuuuee proocesss…!’ Jesus stop saying that. ‘We take domestic violence seriously!’ Oh really? Then why won’t Donald talk about it in public?
‘I SPEAK FOR THE PRESIDENT NOW EVERYBODY SHUT UP.’

This would be a lot more entertaining without, you know, the specter of nuclear weapons taking the fun out of it.

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