Patriot murders neighbor, hilarity ensues

Our dim friends at Townhall.com are doing their best to spin a gun whacko horror story into a whoopsy daisy. I mean – the poor guy was a HUNTER, after all. He was on his lonesome, stranded out there in the freezing cold of his back lawn! The well-shucks account is loaded with feelgood American words like Family and Dogs and Western and Friend. It’s running fairly lean on words like murder and scumbag and cold death.

Hunter Accidentally Kills a Woman Walking Her Two Dogs

Wednesday evening, 43-year-old Rosemary Billquist decided to take her two Labrador Retrievers, Sugar and Stella, on a walk in a field behind her western New York home. Little did she know that she would not be returning home.

Nice paragraph there.

Shortly later, Rosemary’s husband, Jamie, heard his dogs barking. When he went outside to see what the commotion was about, he was greeted by EMTs who were pulling into his driveway. One of the EMTs was also a family friend.

“Jamie, we’ve got a gunshot wound,” the friend said as he rushed into the field.

Can you just feel the tension? Yeah, I don’t think it needs to be there. This isn’t a murder mystery. There’s an evil sonuvabitch out there that Townhall is simply doing its best to avoid. Probably one of their readers. Did some asshole shoot somebody, Townhall? Would you like to fill us in? At some point?

How the Shooting Occurred

The Billquist’s neighbor, 34-year-old Thomas B. Jadlowski, thought he had seen a deer in the field. He grabbed his single shot handgun and shot Billquist from 200 yards away, The Buffalo News reported.

The shooting? It “occurred”. How do we know this? Because Buffalo News “reported” it. Fair enough, ho-hum. Tommy Boy thought he saw a buck walking upright about 200 yards from his house – and or course we all do that, let’s be fair, we’ve all seen tottering two-legged deer in the blinding light of sunset – then pulled a pistol cannon from his holster and murdered his hapless neighbor walking her dogs.

Once Jadlowski found Rosemary, he applied pressure to his wound as he called 911.

EMTs took Rosemary to UPMC Hamot in Erie, Pennsylvania, where she was pronounced dead.

“They tried saving her,” Jamie Billquist said. “It was just too bad. … It’s horrific. It will be with me the rest of my life.”

It’s not as if some moron blasted his neighbor in cold blood. It’s more like, uh, give us a couple minutes and we’ll turn this into Daddy’s little mishap. Whoops – where did that socket just go? Here: Pistol Pete was only trying to save his town from the legendary Buffalo beast. As it happens, the pussy-hat neighbor was rutting uncontrollably, with her dogs, in the vicinity of the hero’s best ballistic intentions – and hey, whatcha gonna do? It’s unfortunate. Seriously, honestly. We’re almost sad about it.

According to the Chautauqua County Sheriff’s Office, Jadlowski has been fully cooperative with the investigation.

Finally! Some good news.

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