For Republicans, anything but guns (part five)

Tuesday October 17th, more two weeks after the massacre in Las Vegas. That’s more than enough time.

Now we can take a hard look at the problem. Today would be a good day to go directly at it. For loyal Republicans, especially, the difficult work now begins. Who or what was really to blame for all those dead bodies?

Media Begging Us For Conspiracy Theories on Las Vegas

Ann Coulter has the mainstream media cornered in her rusty cage. And…I have no idea.

Now the media are just taunting us with their tall tales about Stephen Paddock, the alleged Las Vegas shooter. Reputedly serious news organizations are claiming that he made a living playing video poker. That’s like claiming someone made a living smoking crack.

Coulter will build a conspiracy out of the fact that Stephen Paddock played video poker. The truly damning part here is that the MSM passed along what Vegas police told them without telling Alex Jones what it really means. Can you imagine?

The media are either doing PR for the gambling industry or they don’t want anyone considering the possibility that Paddock was using gambling to launder money.

We can assume it is in CNN’s liberal interest to pretend Paddock wasn’t laundering money. Because grrr. But then, you know how Wolf Blitzer is. He’s surely hiding The Truth whenever there’s a [noun/gerund/guttural sound].

The story says that Paddock’s gambling “was at least a steady income over a period of years.”

I don’t know all the ins and outs of Paddock’s life, but that’s a lie.

She doesn’t know the first thing about him. Except for that he lost big playing computer poker, that’s the first thing she knows.

Among the questions not being asked by our wildly incurious media:

Why would Paddock unload 200 rounds into the hallway at a security guard who was checking on someone else’s room before beginning his massacre?

…umm who, what? You mean me? Alright then. How about: Because he was a security guard? (Is it me? It’s not just me, is it?)

Why was Paddock wearing gloves if he was about to commit suicide?

Have any other solitary mass shooters ever had girlfriends?

That’s some super duper Interpol shit right there. Why would anyone wear gloves to fire a bunch of machine guns? (A thousand steaming shells.) Of all those mass shooters we’ve seen, have any of them had girlfriends? (No, not the solitary ones.) Is it over? Did I win?

Maybe Paddock enjoyed video poker. But if the allegedly serious media are going to keep telling us he was making a living doing it, they’re just begging us to say that losing a percent or two on millions of dollars doesn’t make sense as an investment strategy, but it does make sense as a money laundering operation.

Either the media will concede that smartypants Ann is *headsmack* right, or SHE’S GOT A CONSPIRACY THEORY. ALRIGHT THEN HERE IT COMES.

And the probable illicit business requiring money to be laundered that leaps out at us in Paddock’s case is illegal gun sales.

Nobody makes money on video poker or THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.

If true, it would not only explain the arsenal in his hotel room, but also raises the possibility of either an accomplice or different perpetrator altogether.

People can only lose at video games or YOU ASKED FOR IT.

…a terrorist would go to Paddock’s room on the pretense of buying guns, kill Paddock, commit the massacre, put his gunshot residue-covered gloves on Paddock’s dead hands and slip out of the room when the coast was clear.

Nevermind the 33 guns that Nutball bought in the previous year. Forget about all those hundreds of cameras in the Mandalay Bay Hotel, some of them aimed at Whacko’s room. Just ignore the simple fact that you cannot “launder” cash by betting it. (Cashier: “Hello Mr. Paddock.” Paddock: “Hello Cashier, here are some trash bags. I will have all my crime-money back now.”)

Let us instead gaze in wide wonder at Ann Coulter’s ethical punditry. Surely she would never voluntarily say something so insultingly and conspiratorially stupid. If only Anderson Cooper hadn’t LIED ABOUT THE VIDEO GAMES.

There’s no evidence for any of this, but on the other hand, there’s no evidence for the version the media are giving us. At least the movie script version doesn’t require us to pretend that Paddock was making “millions” from video poker.

No, it’s not the proximal existence of all his many guns, or all the spent bullets and casings, or the many dead bodies (including his own) that make the argument for Paddock’s involvement in the massacre. It’s whether or not he was turning a profit gambling. Because anybody who loses money like that gives up soon enough and goes home.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *