Trump, and Veeps, and Failure

In the midst of the continental swirling holy-fuck of this year’s political goings on there are some particular things that catch my attention. For example I’m currently curious to find out who might become The Donald’s vice president.

There are two reasons to be vested in this. One: Who would be so dumb? Two: Who would be so pathetic? No woman would ever agree to such a partnership, and none of them outside the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling would be considered. It’s only the he-men Republicans of this world who would beg for such a thing. I’m sure that, somewhere in this great nation, there’s a pinch-faced red state splutterer willing to drop his pants and spread his cheeks for a shot at infamy, not to mention Trump’s ham-handed touch.

Marco Rubio maybe?

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said it’s possible he could ask his former rival for the nomination, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.), to be his running mate…

“Marco’s a good guy, a really nice guy, and I like him. But not necessarily with respect to any position, but it could happen,” he added.

Maybe not.

On Friday, Heat Street spoke to multiple senior advisers, members of Rubio’s inner circle who have been in direct contact with him.

“Absolutely false,” said one Rubio adviser. “He absolutely will not be Trump’s Vice President.”

That sentiment was echoed by two other sources close to Rubio, who confirmed to Heat Street that Rubio was not considering joining Trump’s ticket. “That’s never happening,” said one. Another referenced the likelihood of snowballs in hell, and expressed frustration at the inaccurate stories…

This of course will remain Little Marco’s yeeaarrghhh until Candidate Donald calls him on the phone. Then the two will have a good talk and Marco will be surprised how much He has changed.

What about John Kasich?

Asked by Blitzer whether he would be interested in considering Kasich on his ticket, Trump said, “I would be interested in vetting John. I like John. I’ve had a good relationship with John. I’ve gotten along with him well.”

Apparently not.

“There is zero chance that I’d be vice president with [him],” Kasich said in an interview on CNN. “Below zero, actually. Not interested.”

Perhaps Ted Cruz?

Donald Trump on Wednesday said that he would consider making Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) his running mate.

“I respect Ted,” he told host Bill O’Reilly on Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor.” “He was a very strong competitor. He really competed hard and tough.”

“He’s certainly a capable guy,” the presumptive GOP presidential nominee added. “It’s something we can think about.”

Yeah, no.

Ted Cruz quashed speculation about the possibility he could be Donald Trump’s vice-presidential pick, saying he has “zero interest whatsoever” in being the billionaire’s running mate if Trump wins the Republican nomination…

“And there are a lot of reasons, but perhaps the simplest is if Donald is the nominee, Hillary wins,” Cruz said, referring to the Democratic frontrunner, Hillary Clinton. “Hillary wins by double digits…”

But of course that was then and this is now. This is THE TIME aus zee biergarten SOMETHING Neville Chamberlain. DING A LING WHY HULLO EVERYBODY IT’S DONALD. GOSH IT’S GOOD TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.

This isn’t to pretend that other Republican politicians aren’t eager to get into the big race. On the contrary, there are a whole host of Edsels and Corvairs fingering their fancy push-buttons and gunning their cross-mounted engines at the prospect.

Newt Gingrich, the former House speaker, as well as Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama and the retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson, said in interviews that they would consider joining the ticket if Mr. Trump offered. Two governors, Chris Christie of New Jersey and Mary Fallin of Oklahoma, have also told allies that they were open to being Mr. Trump’s running mate.

“If a potential president says I need you, it would be very hard for a patriotic citizen to say no,” Mr. Gingrich said. “People can criticize a nominee, but ultimately there are very few examples of people turning down the vice presidency.”

Gail Collins has more. She says a Trump vice presidency is actually more prized than smallpox.

Don’t make jokes about nobody wanting to be the winner! There are plenty of contenders. Mike Huckabee made it clear he wouldn’t say no. And look at Newt Gingrich, hopping up and down and waving his hand. Whoops — Chris Christie just shoved Newt out of the spotlight. Trump said he might like a governor, so that should give Christie a boost. And a recent poll showed that as many as 15 percent of New Jersey Republicans think he’d be a good choice.

*Whistle*…you can’t argue with a crowd. And of course they know. Lending the family name to a high-profile political cataclysm is some kind of bargain. Really, a good deal. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance to become enshrined in the Pantheon of great American Losers. And say friends, who wouldn’t want that?

“I think I’m pretty much as vetted as anybody in the country could be vetted,” Palin told CNN’s Jake Tapper. “I think there are so many other great people out there in America that could serve in this position.”

“I think if somebody wanted to choose me, they already know who I am, what I stand for,” she added. “They wouldn’t be in for any surprises.”

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