Panic in Iowa: The Donald II

Getting with the Jesus.

On Sunday, the businessman and his wife attended church services at the nondenominational First Christian Church, in Council Bluffs, Iowa.

But when the Communion plates were passed, Trump mistook the silver plates for the offertory, digging out several bills from his pocket, according to the Associated Press.

You can’t make this stuff up.

He, his wife and two staffers took Communion, the AP reports…

“When I drink my little wine — which is about the only wine I drink — and have my little cracker, I guess that is a form of asking for forgiveness, and I do that as often as possible because I feel cleansed,” he said, according to CNN. “I think in terms of ‘Let’s go on and let’s make it right.’”

That Mother Mary is hot. A yuge rack.

On Saturday, Trump released a new video showing off the Trump family Bible, saying it is “very special to me.”

He held up his mother’s Bible to the camera, pointing to one of the early pages. “In fact, it’s her writing, right here. She wrote the name and the address, and it’s just very special to me,” he said.

I kept it above my bed in the Sigma Nu house. Where I stashed my condoms.

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